useless

arghh just had one of those horrible daes where i just wanna bury my head in the ground and cease to exist in this world. hate the feeling where i feel sad and down and people knows it but tries their best to pretend i'm not feeling this way cuz they wouldnt know what to do. only get glances here and there. hate it so much. not that i want them to do anythin much. just an encouragement will do instead of pretending i dun exist and continue with whatever they are doing. at that moment, i really felt like walking out and just flag a cab and go straight home. they wouldnt notice or it could have been better for them anyway. but i decided to stay and put on a strong front and pretend everything's alright too. smiles and jokes are just part of my facade that i'm a happy-go-lucky gal. at least i overcame that whole ordeal and was able to face them with a straight face throughout. but somehow at the back of my mind says when they get together without me, they will probably feel sorry for me. somehow, despite being in this circle which is supposed to be filled with warmth and love, i only feel coldness and am more alone than ever. maybe if i had gave it up earlier, i wouldnt be this miserable and havin to force myself to go the next time round. really dun feel like goin the next few times. feel absolutely USELESS after a person told another one right in front of me like i'm not there, that i can't do it. i hate the person for doing so but cant help feelin its so true. maybe i should report sick, severely sick and i wouldnt be lying cuz i am sick, sick of facing them, sick of being a loser, sick of feeling so alone.